Hi Ho, Hi Ho, it's back to work I go.

Well the time has come for me to return to work tomorrow. I am a little nervous but I am ready for my life to try to return to normal. My program has been so understanding through this process which I am so thankful for. I am starting on Rheumatology which will be an easier rotation but it is also what I think I want to do with my life so I need to perform halfway decent so that maybe I have a shot at a fellowship here. There are some days where I wonder if I suffered a little anoxic brain syndrome (brain lacking oxygen) because there are times when I am asked something that I should know and just cant think of it and then after thinking about it for a while, it finally comes to me. Hopefully everything comes back to me when I start back.

The Flu, Swine or not, it still sucks.

Just for a quick update. I'm still hanging in there, not much new to report. We are struggling with the flu in our household currently. Landen started with it, I got a very light bout of it, and now Tim has it pretty bad. I guess I get to take care of him now. I am shocked that with my problems that I got off the easiest of the 3 of us with the flu. Mom's don't have time to get sick right?

Update: So my light bout of the flu was just a teaser to the hell I would endure last night and am still enduring. I have stopped counting how many times I have thrown up. My body aches all over. It is hard watching landen when we are both sick.

Weight

So my weight is really starting to drive me nuts. Some of you that havent seen me since the accident still remember me at my normal weight of 145 lbs. What do I weigh now, a whopping 125lbs. I am 5'7'' and weigh 125lbs, that is not right. I use to think I would always love it if I weighed 125lbs when I was 145lbs and now that I am at this weight I absolutely hate it and would give anything to get back to my previous weight. Of those of you keeping track of my weight gain since leaving the hospital, that is a total of 0 lbs gained. None of my clothes fit, not even my bras fit. I am sick of wearing a belt with my jeans just to hold them up and then see them bunch up in front and back. I refuse to buy new clothes because I am determined to put weight on. My body use to be happy at 145. I could eat almost anything I wanted and my weight would vary only slightly up and down. Now I was still active and worked out but I never had to work out consistantly and watch what I ate to maintain my weight. Bad thing about this was my body never allowed me to lose much weight when I tried either, which I thought I always had wanted to do until now. I feel right now that I am constantly eating and its not doing anything. I have this weird thing with my body that when it gets hungry, it doesnt just growl, I get this pain in my left side just below my ribs that travels around to my back and just gets worse if I ignore it and dont feed myself. It is something I have had even before the accident but only came on before if I was absolutely starving, now it comes on with the slightest hunger so I am having to constantly eat. I finished off an entire bad of cheesy quick tators from Schwans in less than a week by myself (oh so yummy). I dont eat healthy by any means. I think I have had more donuts since the accident then I have had all last year alone. The only thing I dont eat much off is fast food, 1) because that would get expensive & 2) I dont feel the greatest after eating it. There are days where I think I shouldnt work out because then I will just burn off anything extra I ate that day but I know I need to continue to work out to build my muscles back up and get my cardio back up so I am not worn out just walking up and down stairs. I always wondered when people said they couldnt gain weight, I thought it had to be easy, you just go crazy eating anything you want. Well I feel like I am doing that and my body has other things in mind.

On to another topic, I have now finished the 3rd book in the twilight series and am desperately waiting on the 4th and final to arrive in the mail, hopefully today. I also taped the new series on CW called the vampire diaries and will watch it today. It is based on the books and I am hoping it is good.

so Friday I had my appointment with trauma once again. They have a new resident and new attending each time I go in. So the resident comes in and starts by saying, "so, tell me what happened, whats your story" Obviously he had not reviewed my file. I started in on my story and he goes "wait, are you a resident here" I was like yeah, he goes "internal medicine, right, I heard about you" That was the same response I got last time. i think the whole hospital knows my story now. So I waited and waited around then for the attending. By 10:35, 1 hr and 20 mins after my appointment time, and 5 mins late now for my OT appointment, he comes rushing, listening to the residents story of me as they are coming down the hall, puts his hands on my chest and asks me to take a deep breath in, then proceeds to tell me that my left side doesnt rise as well as my right so I need a chest x-ray now to make sure I dont have fluid in my lungs. I proceeded to tell him yeah, there is scare tissue there from broken ribs and surgery and why would I have fluid on my lungs after 2 months and even if I did, I was asymptomatic so they wouldnt do anything about it anyway, we would just watch it to make sure it reabsorbs. I asked if I could just get it done next Wed when I have to get x-rays of my back for my neurosurgery appointment for which he said, no it must be done today (so urgent, I mean I was dying of not breathing right there) but I could refuse them if I want. I told him, no I would do it but after my therapy appoint as I was already late. So I went to my therapy appoint and then went and got the x-ray and went back to trauma for the results and what did they find..........scar tissue, big surprise. what a waste of resourses. Then the resident was pondering when to see me back. I said how bout prn (as needed). I told them there was no point for their followup as I had no tubes anymore and was feeling fine from a surgical stand point. On a non medical point, I finished the 2nd book in the twilight series today. 560+ pages in the book and I started it Wednesday night. It is seriously that good I couldnt put it down. I have now started the 3rd. 600+ pages this time. We will see how fast I read this one.

So some of you want to know about my boring life right now. I went to the gym finally yesterday and plan to make it a routine. I am trying to get myself back into shape. I finally finished the 1st book in the twilight series. It is so good I couldn't put it down these last few days. After I finished it, I went straight to the movie store and rented the movie and watched it right away. Is it bad I was so envolved in the movie I didnt want to stop it to go pick up my kid from daycare. The movie was good but the book is so much better. Today I went and bought the next 2 books in the series and if I finish them soon, I will have to buy the 4th in hard cover as they told my it won't be in soft cover till well after christmas. I highly recommend it to you all to read. My son has a nasty cold and coughed and fussed last night so I held him upright and rocked him for half an hour while he slept in my arms and let the congestion drain down. He is the most adorable thing ever and I wish I could take his cold away from him. Today I mowed the lawn in segments as we have a push mower that is not self propelled so it was tiring but I did it. It was good exercise for the day. This weekend I plan on going tailgating for a while. If you want to join me, just let me know. That is all for my boring life now. I am ready to go back to work, I just wish my back and stamina was.