Just letting you know I am still here and kicking. Nothing new to report. Still going to therapy 3 times a week for my arm and it is slowly progressing.

one less med

Well I have decided to completely get off the anti depression med completely. I feel like m PTSD was almost entirely composed of the anxiety component and not the depression component and my anxiety has basically resolved. I told my therapist that we will see how things progress once I am off of it and if I feel I am getting worse then we will discuss something different. Other than that, not much new to report. I am slowly seeing progress with my hand each week. This last week I gained function in extending my middle finger. Not quite sure why only just that finger can be extended and not any other ones as anatomically based on how the nerves go it doesn't make sense why just that one has come back and not the others and the orthopedic surgeon didn't have any good answer but hey I will take any progress I can get. I can kind of flip people off now, maybe that was god's purpose in giving me that function back first. Who knows.

I think I solved the headaches

So I think I solved the headache situation as I have now had 2 headache free days. I hope I am not jinxing myself. About a week and a half ago I met with my therapist again and once again she mentioned using an SSRI (a type of depression med) for my PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) She felt it would give me energy and also it had a side effect of weight gain. I finally said well lets just give it a shot and see. These meds you cant just start at a dose, you have to build yourself up. She wanted me at 20mg, that is what she starts people at. I took 5mg for 5 days, then 10mg for 5 days, and the 20 mg. On the 10 mg I was feeling the best I ever had, with lots of energy. After having one of the worst headaches on Sat night I sat down and thought of what had changed. I had slowly weaned myself down from my anxiety meds and my pain meds and I didnt think a rebound headache would last this long. Then I realized that the time the headaches started was the time I went from 10mg to 20mg on my anti-depressant. I looked up the side effects and discovered that headaches were a side effect along with insomnia which I had recently developed and orthostatic hypotension (blood pressure droping when standing up and getting lightheaded), also something I recently developed. So Sunday I went back down to 10mg and I have not had a headache since. and the insomnia and hypotension have improved. Hopefully I remain headache free. We'll see on Wednesday at my next appointment whether she wants me to stay on this or switch.

The drain is out!!!

So today I had my appointment with trauma. The attending was in surgery so the intern was just talking to him on the phone. He came back into the room and told me he was going to pull the drain. I questioned him as I had just been to interventional radiology on Wed, the ones that put it in, and they didnt want to pull it because they wanted the drainage to be less than 20ml per day and it had only been like that for 1 day. Trauma however said they pull it if it is less than 50ml. I made the intern call the attending back and tell him that IR didnt want to pull it on Wed so was he sure he wanted to pull it and he said he was. I got no happy juice for him to pull it, he just went ahead and pull. Oh yeah, need I mention it was stuck on something which I think was my pancreas. He kept pulling and I felt like my insides were going to come out of the whole. I could feel it coming from my back and then I felt a rip and it came out. Didnt actually hurt that bad but felt incredibly weird. I did ask him how many of these he had done before. I know how it is like to be the intern and need experience but I wasnt about to be a guinea pig without an attending there watching but he assured me he had done several of these. I am suppose to call if I have any pain, which I do now but it was just pulled so I am expecting some pain and it is tolerable. I will call if it gets worse or lasts all weekend. Hopefully everything heals up nicely. On a good note, I have been off my anxiety meds for a week now and also off my strong pain meds for 4 days. I am only on tylenol now. I have had a headache all week since Sunday that has not been touched by tylenol, advil, or even Percocet. I told trauma about it and they want to send me to neurology. I will go but I also decided to try a chiropracter today since I figured something may have been twisted in my neck from the fall to the concrete. I told her she was not to touch my back which she highly agreed, and even took x-rays of my neck first before touching my neck to make sure there were no fractures. My headache starts small in the morning and usually by 6pm it is kinda bad. I am happy to report that it is still minimal at this time and I havent taken tylenol in a while so I am hoping a couploe tylenol will nix it. She also has this new technique that she uses these tools to get under scars and break them up. I said I was all for that, anything to try to get my hand back I will try. She did a little today but was hesitent to do too much without seeing the x-rays and knowing what was under it so I signed a form to reloease my x-rays to her and will return on Tuesday. All in all I had a very busy day. Time to relax now.

CT Scan

Well the CT scan went well today. It was non-contrast so I thank goodness I didnt have to drink that nasty contrast. It showed all pockets of fluid are gone but since I am still having outputs more than 20 ml they are going to leave it in and re-check next week and possibly pull it next week. That's all to report today.

We are cursed!!

Once again I get a bad phone call today. My cousins little daughter broke her arm really bad today. The ambulance took them to their local hospital and the doctors there told them to get right back into the ambulance and head to St. Louis where she needs to see a specialist because it is bad. I dont know if she had surgery tonight or if she will get it tomorrow. Please pray that everything is okay with her and she recovers well. She is to young to go through this. This is he 2nd broken bone this year.

As far as I go, today was unfortunately a bad day. I guess with all the good days I have had lately, I was bound to have a bad day. I didnt sleep well last night and had a mild headache that would just not go away, and then all day I just had absolutely no energy. Luckily I didnt have any appointments at the hospital today to wear me farther down and could relax. Tomorrow I have a CT scan to check the pancreas.

Once again, everyone be careful with everything you do this year, it is not a good year.

Well that was not fun!!!

So today was my EMG appointment. I really didn't know what the EMG entailed as I really had never seen one done although I had actually ordered one for a patient in the one week I was actually a resident and she was not very happy afterwards and said it hurt so I was expecting some pain. The test has 2 parts, the nerve conduction study and then the actual EMG. So a tech performed the nerve conduction study 1st. She placed some electrodes on my fingers and then she shocked different areas of my arm. First she would start with low voltage and the turn it up with each shock. The low voltages felt like a tiny shock. Like when you stick you tongue on a 9V battery. By the high voltage it was more like sticking your and on an electric fence. Not fun. When it came to the radial nerve, she was shocking me and I was getting no response. It worried me that that nerve was really damagedbut she said it could be just because she was hitting scar tissue since she was right on one of my scars so she turned the voltage up to the highest power and still nothing so she went and got the staff physician. He came and told her to try different area, mind you still at the highest power and wow did that one connect. I about shot off the table. Then the resident physician came in for the EMG. This part involved sticking what looked like to be a 25G needle into my arm and one in my hand which hurt the worst and he didnt just stick them in, no, he wiggled them around. So I dont know exactly all the results and what they mean as I wasnt thinking straight after all that but what I do know is that my ulnar nerve is what is the most affected at this point. I dont know what the surgeon that did the surgery thought about the ulnar nerve as he only made comment on the radil nerve and how it had been pinched but not severed. I felt all zings from the electrode go all the way down all 3 nerves so I am unsure why the muscles in the hand innervated by the ulnar nerve do not work. Could the nerve have possibly been pulled and so diverting branches were broken off but the main branch is still there? Any ideas from any one? I have my appointment with the orthopedic surgeon on Monday to view the results and basically find out answers and whether they think I need a surgery or not again or if we just wait it out.

On a side note I have come to the conclusion that if you have known my family for a long time, please be extra, extra careful the rest of the year. Once agin someone we have known for a long time has had an accident and is hospitalized and could use your prayers. A guy my parents do hay business with was unloading a hayrack off a semi when he slipped and the hayrack ran over his neck. He was lifeflighted to Iowa City where he underwent surgery on his broken neck and had another one today. This happened on Friday and he is doing remarkably well. He has all feeling in his body except for mild weakness in his right arm. Once again, god works miracles. Please everyone becareful with everything you do and always tell those you love that you love them because you never know when it will be your last. Have a goodnight.

The days are slowly getting better. I seem to have more energy lately and mornings aren't so rough for me anymore. Some days are more painful lately but I just keep telling myself it is good pain because they are pushing me harder each time in therapy. I do therapy 3 times a week on my arm. It is painful but I push through it as I want my function in my arm to come back so bad. I have full function in my wrist, it is just weak and still slightly restricted in full motion by scar tissue in my arm which therapists are working at breaking through. I don't have full movement in my fingers yet and that is what is frusterating. I have EMG studies on Monday that should maybe give answers on how my function will develop. I heard they hurt though so not looking forward to that part. A lot of you get worried if I don't update daily. I may not update this weekend as I have nothing new going on this weekend so my update would be pretty boring so don't worry, I don't see another hospital stay in my future hopefully anytime soon. I will give another update on monday after my appointments. Hope you all have a great weekend and I am very jealous of all of you going to the fair. I absolutely cannot wait till this time next year so I can take Landen to the fair. It will be so much fun because he will be at such a cute age to show him all the animals. Happy Friday.

Yesterday was a long painful day. I didn't sleep well at all because of the pain and my mind was just racing. You know when you lift weights for the 1st time in a while and the 2nd day after is always the most painful, well that is what Wednesday was for me since I had had occupational therapy on Monday that had kicked my butt. I had it again yesterday and I was so tempted to cancel since I was in so much pain but I pushed through it and went. I had physical therapy today so my back is probably going to hurt tomorrow. Not much else to post about. Mornings are getting much better for me so that is good. Tomorrow I go to my primary care doctor just because I want someone overlooking my well being and overlooking what all the specialists are doing. I am going to ask him to draw blood to check all my kidney and liver functions and then also my vitamin levels just to make sure everything is functioning well. Hope you all had a great day. Enjoy the fair if you are going,

Today is a painful day but I keep having to tell myself it is a good pain, a healing pain. Yesterday I had my 2nd occupational therapy appointment and not only did he work on my arm, but he noticed that my posture was horrific so he stretched and pulled at the muscles of my back and shoulder. I was so worn out after the appointment that I had to pull over halfway home and just lay back and relax before I drove the rest of the way home and I don't even live that far from the hospital. So of course I woke up this morning with very sore muscles. I also walked 1/2 mile yesterday on the treadmill without stopping at 2.8mph. Most of you are probably thinking, oh wow 1/2 mile, not much there but for me and the condition I am in, this is a huge accomplishment for me and I was very proud of myself. Course I immediately collapsed on the couch for a while immediately afterward but I did it non the less. Today is a day of relaxing since all I have is a visiting nurse appointment this afternoon and I have another round of therpy tomorrow along with my psych appointment so it is going to be a long tiring day tomorrow.

Here are a few pics of the storm that came through last night. It looked scary but didn't really do a whole lot.

While I am adding pics, I will make this a happy post and post some pics of the most adorable baby in the world and I am not biased at all.

Good Day

Today was a pretty good day. I slept pretty good last night. I did wake up pretty sore because I did some physical therapy exercises yesterday. My mom and dad showed up today and we went to the mall. Of course they found me a wheelchair because I knew I wouldn't be able to walk that far without tiring easily. We got a protein shake mix at GNC to help with me gaining weight. All my doctor friends reading this, how much is too much protein in one day/ in one sitting, for only one kidney to handle? Each scoop of powder is 21 grams of protein, the GNC guy said I could always put 2 scoops per drink. I just don't want to overload my own kidney. After we returned from the mall, we all took a nap and then grilled hamburgers on the grill. Then the storm hit so my parents waited it out a little before heading home. We got some really cool pictures of the front moving in. If I figure out how to post a picture on here, I will share them soon.

8/8/09 8:30pm

Well today started off kind of rough. I actually got a lot of sleep in last night. I went to bed around 8pm. I woke up around 2:30 realizing I hadnt taken my pm meds so I got up to take them but actally didnt feel hungry for once so went right back to bed. Then I woke up around 5:30, this time thinking I was hungry so got up and started eating some applesauce but 2 bites into it, I started feeling sick so I put it back in the fridge and went back to bed till 8. Then all morning and into the afternoon, I felt like I had no energy but when I would try to take a nap, I couldnt fall asleep but I kept yawning. Finally I just decided to take a shower and things seemed to turn around from there. I was able to eat a lot this afternoon along with eating a lot for dinner and I felt like I had energy now. Hopefully I ate enough today to sleep through the night without waking. Hopefully tomorrow starts off better than today did.

Update on me

I decided to try to post my update earlier tonight since lately, 8pm hits and I am comp;etely zoonked.

As I posted before, Wednesday morning, I had my orthopedics appointment then I went to my psychtherapy appointment. We basically talked about what has been giving me anxiety. I told her I have a lot of anxiety about eating still so we are going to try some Ativan 30 minutes before I eat to see if that helps. I am finding it difficult because when I wake up in the morning, I am starving and dont feel like I can wait 30 minutes to eat and then throughout the day I just munch here and there. The only time I feel it really could work is at dinner. I was given homework to jot down when I have my anxiety so maybe we can pin point it to a certain event/s
After those 2 appointments, I went home and crashed.

Thursday was my physical therapy and occupational therapy appointment. I was so worried what they were going to do during the appointment that I sent myself into a panic attack which then made me late to my appointment as I tried to calm myself down. Physical therapy wasn't bad, he just gave me some stretches to do for my back and told me to start getting exercise. Occupational therapy was a lot harder. He would stretch my fingers and hand and wrist to their maximum and thn massage over the scar where they were pulling from. It actually didn't hurt as bad during the whole thing but today my arm is throbbing. Once again, after my appointments, I was exhausted.

Today I only had one appointment. It was my trauma appointment. It was basically a waste of time. He listened to my heart and lungs. Looked at the drainage and said we will just continue to watch it. Good news hopefully is that the drainage is decreasing lately, I just hope it means it is actually decreasing and not just moved and is not collecting the area anymore. I have another CT scan coming up that I guess will determine that.

Well that is all my updates for the week. I am going to try to spend some time on the treadmill this weekend as I will not be walking outside since it is suppose to be 90+ degrees out. Hope you all stay cool this weekend.

Yes I'm still herey said tey

These last 2 days have been hard on me with appointments. Yesterday I had my orthopedics appointment at 8am followed by my psych appointment. I of course decided that right before we had to leave, I would have anxiety about the applesauce I was eating and worried that I would throw it up, which is exactly what I ended up making myself do. So after that it was very hard to get myself going because I did not feel good but finally got out the door. I arrived at the orthopedic clinic only for them to tell me that their computer shows my appointment had been cancelled but it didn't say why. They could tell it took me a lot if effort to get there so they squeezed me in. They wantemg studies on my arm in a couple of weeks to see how it is progressing and if needed to get full function back in my hand then they will do surgery as a last resort.

I will post more tomorrow as I am incredily tired now and need to sleep. Just letting you all know I was still here

Better day today

Today was a much better day today and glad it was since today was Tim and I's 2 year anniversary which we both completely forgot about. I think we have had a lot of other things on our plate lately. We actually didn't realize it was our anniversary until my sister-in-law texted us wishing us a happy anniversary. Oh well, we will just have to celebrate x 2 on our 3rd anniversary. Today is also my parents anniversary so happy anniversary to them also.

I woke up at 3am hungry and stuck to my plan of dragging my ass out of bed and eating a little something. I then went back to bed and woke at 6 hungry again. All day, I basically just snacked all day long and I think it helped. Not sure if I got in 2500 calories but I stayed satisfied all day and didn't over fill my self and make myself feel sick again. Tomorrow morning is a day full of appointments. I have an orthopedic appointment at 8 followed by my psych appointment at 9:30. I hope that she has a couch in her room because I will want to lay down after my ortho appointment. Hopefully tomorrow is another good day.

Bad day

Just a brief note so you all don't think I am in the hospital, at least not yet that is. Today has been a very rough day for me. Didn't sleep worth a damn last night for no particular reason. Visiting nurse arrived and said I wasn't eating nearly enough so I took her suggestions and it just went down hill from there. After the 2 o'clock protein shake, I started feeling nauseas, vomitted and have had severe stomach aches. I don't think my body is ready for so much food yet, I am going to go back to taking it slow and just eat in the middle of the night when my body is hungry so i don't wake up starving. My JP drain has also turned a darker color and more of it so the nurse made a call to the doctor and he was okay with it. He also said it was okay to continue to pick up landen so I will continue to do that once I feel better again. Hopefully if I stick to it of eating at night when I wake up hungry, then my mornings won't be so bad anymore. I always thought I would love the day someone told me to eat 2500 calories a day and mix everything with ice cream if needed. It is harder than I expected. Pray that this is only a brief sickness and tomorrow is a better day. I missed another whole day of Landen's life because I spent it nauseas in bed. I don't want to miss anymore, too many have been missed already.

1 month ago today

One month ago today, my terrible accident happened. I thank the lord everyday for allowing me to be here still today and I know all of your guys prayers helped with my recovery. I have come so far in such a short time and even though I wish my progress was farther, I am very thankful for the recovery I have made.

Today was a much better day. I woke up again at a little after 6 just starving again. I started with some applesauce again and then had one of my high calorie protein shakes. That seemed to satisfy me. Then I could hear Landen stirring around 6:30. He never cries when he wakes up, he is such a good boy so I just let him lay there and slowly wake up. Tim had the monitor on so I figured he would eventually get up and get Landen but after a while I realized he was so sound asleep he wasnt going to wake up so I went into Landen's room and decided to try to see if I could lift him and to my surprise it actually wasnt that difficult. Tim finally woke up later to Landen banging his toys on the ground and of course asked how he got out. I dont know if I am suppose to lift 20 lbs yet but I enjoyed being able to take care of him independently. I was even able to change his diaper. My mom came around 9am and helped clean the house. After she left around noon, I got tired and took about a 3 hr nap. The rest of the day I just spent either lounging or playing with Landen. I was able to finally eat real food tonight and wasnt scared to eat it and I ate a lot. I had 3 pieces of pizza tonight and it tasted good. Hopefully I will start to put on some weight. Hope you all had a good Sunday.

8/1/09 10:30pm

Today was kind of a downer day for me and I really dont know why. I just felt sad all day and didn't feel like doing anything at all and occasionally just broke out in tears for no reason. I think part of it is I just want so badly for everything to go back to how it use to be but I know I just have to have patience but as most of you know, this is not something I posess. I started out the day waking up at 6am absolutely starving. I have so many things that sound great to eat to me but I have so much anxiety when it comes to eating because I have a fear of it either hurting or me throwing up. I started with applesauce and ate slowly. I ate about every 2 hrs today and always felt like I was chasing hunger and was never satisfied. I stuck with simple, high fat foods today. I had mac and cheese for lunch and then again for dinner with a baked potato covered in lots of butter. I also had one of my high calorie protein shakes today. I have so much weight to put back on. I felt like I ate a lot today but yet I still always felt hungry so I have this inner fear that all my pancreatic enzymes are coming out my tube in my side and not actually digesting my food and giving me the nutrients I need. I wish I could just let all my fears go and just relax but I know that will come with time. My mom is coming to visit tomorrow so maybe tomorrow I will be in better spirits. Hope everyone else was able to enjoy this wonderful day.