Saturday, August 1, 2009
8/1/09 10:30pm
Today was kind of a downer day for me and I really dont know why. I just felt sad all day and didn't feel like doing anything at all and occasionally just broke out in tears for no reason. I think part of it is I just want so badly for everything to go back to how it use to be but I know I just have to have patience but as most of you know, this is not something I posess. I started out the day waking up at 6am absolutely starving. I have so many things that sound great to eat to me but I have so much anxiety when it comes to eating because I have a fear of it either hurting or me throwing up. I started with applesauce and ate slowly. I ate about every 2 hrs today and always felt like I was chasing hunger and was never satisfied. I stuck with simple, high fat foods today. I had mac and cheese for lunch and then again for dinner with a baked potato covered in lots of butter. I also had one of my high calorie protein shakes today. I have so much weight to put back on. I felt like I ate a lot today but yet I still always felt hungry so I have this inner fear that all my pancreatic enzymes are coming out my tube in my side and not actually digesting my food and giving me the nutrients I need. I wish I could just let all my fears go and just relax but I know that will come with time. My mom is coming to visit tomorrow so maybe tomorrow I will be in better spirits. Hope everyone else was able to enjoy this wonderful day.
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6 comments:
Moms always make it better! Delaney will be upset that she can't come ride the horses and the gator. When we tell her Aunt Carol went to see you it will make it better.
Thinking of you often! Hope to get to see you before I head back to Missouri.
Stacey
I am not sure if you can have this or not, but cold Sprite Zero (or reg Sprite/Sierra Mist if you like them better) may help you feel full in the "in between meals" times. I have to "rest" my stomach as well and this seems to help with the hunger and upset digestive system. Another suggestion would be popsicles/dreamsicles/Mr. Freezy's, or mixing your high protien drink with ice (or ice cream) in a blender and drinking it like a smoothie or frosty (but I haven't ventured into the frozen stuff yet to know if these would be helpful/filling). Hope you are feeling better soon - we continue to keep you in our prayers! Jayce~
Keep your head up kiddo. Call me whenever you want. I'll always answer.... even if Zack is screaming in the backgroud!! :-)
Sorry to hear today was a downer. I am glad that you share the ups and downs with us. I know everyone is full of advice...I wonder if they have tried any medication to help with the anxiety? I suffered from anxiety for years (thanks to my Mom and Grandma - it's in the genes). I was always, always reluctant to take any medication but it made all the difference for me. My doctor who prescribed it said, "It will be the same you. Only better." It might help as a short-term thing?
Sorry you had a down day. As I was walking through church today, I was stopped by so many people asking how you're doing. Everyone was happy to hear how far you've come in such a short time, but the prayers are definitely still continuing!
Steve, Pierce and Braeden say hi. Hope today was better for you!
Denise
I do take Ativan for my anxiety and it has helped a lot. Since I got the feeding tube out, I have noticed that my anxiety has gotten much better.
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